The Question Is Page 18

  “Where are you going?” Seth asked from the lounge chair opposite Grace.

  “A friend, it will be okay. You two need some time to sort out whatever the hell is going on here.”

  Hugging Grace he said, “I know you think you have it all together back in the city but the only person you are trying to fool is yourself. If you are going back tomorrow, fix things with Seth tonight.”

  “Darby,” she didn’t know what to say. “You take care of yourself. And if ever you need a bed in the city – call me.”

  “He loves you and you love him – what’s the problem,” Darby kissed her cheek, shrugged and left.

  “I’m leaving tomorrow morning,” she said returning to the lounge room, this time curling up next to Seth.

  “Princess Grace saved the day again.”

  “By this time tomorrow, you’ll be the majority owner of the supply company.”

  “As if I didn’t have enough to do. We’ll need to restructure – they are carrying too many admin staff.”

  “My company can help you.”

  “I want you,” kissing the palm of her hand, each finger tip. With each touch, her whole body became alive.

  “You are my favorite client.” The significance of their last night together became real, their fingers linked together, she raised their hands to her face and caressed them against her cheek.

  “I’ll poke the elephant in the room,” he got up and poured them both a glass of wine. Her throat caught with swallowed tears and she curled her legs underneath her in silence until he joined her.

  “You know how I feel about you.”

  “My job is in the city.”

  “This isn’t about logistics. That can be changed – I can run my company from anywhere as long as I can travel when I need to.”

  “I have Sienna,” she had to say it, no matter the pain she saw rising within him.

  “Do you love her.”

  A long silence. He said again, “Do you love her?”

  “Yes, of course I do.”

  “Then what the fuck are you doing here with me!” Hurt and fire in his eyes, he slammed the sliding door. She watched him start the fire pit, the flames shooting into the dark night.

  These days with Seth had been the best of her life. Kicking goals for her career – creating a solution that got her company a new client and saved Seth’s company – Mr Dimkin wanted to take her out to lunch later in the week to talk about her future.

  Watching Darby come out of his shell and respond to her warmth. No matter what happened, she wanted to be part of his life – whether as a friend or mentor.

  Or as Seth’s partner. She needed to stop thinking in terms of them being together. It couldn’t happen. Yet, he was the major part of making these days magical, perfect.

  Now, it took Seth to put a door between them.

  If she went outside, one touch and she would never leave.

  Yet instead of clearing emails, writing briefs or packing, she was trapped on the chair watching the man she loved, knowing tomorrow she would leave him for the woman she also loved.

  The fire had died down, casting long shadows over Seth sitting in his chair. Not the lounge chair for two. No room for her.

  Breaking their silent stand-off, she took out his jacket noting how he didn’t even flinch as she put it around his shoulders. One last night, she didn’t want to spend it alone or like this.

  “If I’m going to be at the office by eight, I’ll need to leave here by around five.”

  “Okay,” suddenly the easy banter and friendship of the past days replaced by awkward silence.

  “Seth, please,” she pleaded with him to look at her, “I’m not leaving you – I don’t live here anymore.”

  Resigned, he still didn’t look up, “Gracie, what do you want me to say that I haven’t said before. I love you and nothing changed. I know you have to go home but it doesn’t mean I like it.”

  “I still want to be friends,” until she figured out if she wanted more, she needed to keep their friendship alive.

  “Gracie, I love you enough to want you to be happy with Sienna – and I love you enough to settle for friendship. But don’t ever expect me to find it easy to let you go.”

  He downed his glass and went inside. She heard his bedroom door slam shut. Grace never felt more alone or confused.

  She awoke to the smell of bacon cooking, “Good morning.” She wrapped her arms around him, sneaking between Seth and the stove.

  “Watch it, you don’t want to get burnt,” he warned.

  “Too late,” he didn’t resist her kiss. All was well with her world.

  “Gracie, oh, Gracie,” setting the tongs aside, he held her close and she snuggled into his arms.

  “I don’t know …” she wanted to apologize. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I hated last night.”

  “I know. I love you, and it hurts like hell to watch you leave. But I couldn’t let you go thinking … I don’t know what you were thinking.”

  “Part of me doesn’t want to leave, ever. The other part, Seth I can’t help how I feel.”

  “Sweetheart, have your breakfast, drive back safe and it will all work out.”

  Driving back to the city, Grace wanted to call Sienna to say she was on her way home, but somehow the longer they went without talking the easier it became to pretend her feelings for Seth were normal.

  Still, she needed to try otherwise they would have something else to fight about and the list was already long enough.

  By the time she tried to ring, it went through to voice mail.

  A full day in the office cleaning up paperwork, trying to call Sienna in between meetings.

  Packing up her desk for the evening, Sienna finally answered her phone, “So!”

  “Sienna, it’s done, I’m finished and on my way home. Where are you?”

  “I stayed with Allie and Toni. They offered to have me over for a meal and invited me to stay. You know that I hate an empty unit.”

  “I’ll be home soon, will you be at home or at the hospital.”

  “Connie got released the other day. Come home and we’ll order in.”

  A long silence, while Grace tried to find the words to bridge the gap between them. “Can’t wait, I love you,” it seemed hollow even if it was still true.”

  Go to The candle burns

  The candle burns

  Sienna

  What did love mean anymore, Sienna thought as she walked into their empty unit. Grace still not home – did Grace even think of it as home anymore?

  Did her “I love you,” mean Grace was still forsaking all others – did it still mean that when she thought about the future it was only the two of them?

  The sun disappeared behind the neighboring units and Sienna couldn’t be bothered to turn on the lights. She searched through her playlist for a song to match her mood. Nothing.

  Instead, she opened a bottle of wine they had been keeping for a special occasion, glass in one hand and a printed-out photo in the other.

  One of Grace’s friends posted the snap from the night of the reunion – in the background of friends Grace and Seth stood, their bodies touching in the way of lovers, heads slightly bowed towards each other as if sharing a secret. His arm disappeared around her. To anyone looking, they were a couple in love enjoying an evening with friends.

  To Sienna, it was the photo that demanded she ask the questions she wanted to avoid. Allie pleaded with her to let the past go.

  “What difference does it make? She came home to you.”

  “Did she, really?”

  “Are you still sleeping in the same bed? Is it all good there?”

  “Yes, but …” Sienna couldn’t even explain it to herself.

  What happened that night – where did Grace really sleep? Sure, that girl, Jo, spun some line and Grace did turn up in borrowed clothes. But why had Grace given her the cold shoulder in bed and then woke her in the middle of the night needing a fix?

  By th
e time Sienna moved onto the second glass, she started to rethink the whole “my company is in trouble,” story when Seth came to the city and spent the whole weekend with Grace supposedly working on a rescue proposal.

  If it had been such a killer idea, why did it fall over so quickly and need Grace to go to him.

  The third glass of wine found Sienna logging onto Grace’s social media accounts. Photo after demoralizing photo Grace was by Seth’s side. Even when they were in the background, the two of them were either smiling together or laughing or deep in conversation.

  Then he called, and she couldn’t wait to leave town to be with him, again.

  Finally, the phone calls. Sure, the first night when Grace left, Sienna was too mad to answer the phone. The next day, she had been busy catching up with work. But then the calls stopped. And her imagination went into overdrive.

  So, here she sat, alone in their home, waiting for Grace to finally come home. She wanted to ask the questions but was afraid of the answer.

  Grace

  All the promises of an early night went out the window as soon as she arrived in the office.

  A new client was always a reason to celebrate, but to develop a client to the point they could take over another company so quickly – Grace returned a hero among the other junior associates. It didn’t matter that the reason for the takeover was to save the company itself, she thought outside the box and it worked for her.

  Mr Dimkin sent her flowers, “Congratulations, looking forward to lunch.”

  Derek Casbar rang, “Everything sorted?”

  “Yes, Mr Casbar.”

  “Call me Derek, please. You have to admit we worked well together.”

  “I couldn’t have pulled this off without you.”

  “Well, I still have some other tricks up my sleeve. Have you thought about my offer?”

  “I have a job.”

  “Yes, but I’m offering you an opportunity. Look, I don’t want to pressure you. I’m sending you a gift, we’ll catch up then.”

  Within half an hour, she opened the envelope. Tickets to a corporate box at the football. Sienna would hate it. Seth would love it. She hadn’t been to the football since, well since she started dating Sienna.

  “Thx 4 the seats,” she replied to Derek, “Can’t wait.”

  Celebrations over, she opened her inbox to a flood of emails most of which she hadn’t been able to respond to remotely. Proposals to prioritize and reports to proof-read before reporting season.

  She rang Sienna around four, thinking one more email and she could leave. Before she knew it, the sun had long gone, and her watch said it was past nine. Exhausted, she left her colleagues.

  “Working half days, Grace?” one called.

  “Need to get home before my girlfriend forgets what I look like.”

  “Reporting season comes but once a year.”

  “See you tomorrow,” she laughed, thinking if she didn’t put in some quality time at home, so would she.

  For once, she didn’t mind having to stop at the red lights, delaying her return home. Yes, she had to face the music, but for some reason the return filled her with dread and she couldn’t feel the excitement of seeing Sienna.

  The early morning and long day was catching up with her. What she wouldn’t give to crawl into bed and crash.

  Waiting for yet another red light to turn green, she banged the steering wheel in frustration. Sienna could have called any time in the past days or even tonight to check on her. Instead, she was going home expected to feel guilty about working – at the career that paid for their unit, holidays and all the other bills that Sienna ignored.

  Truthfully, she could have gone home earlier but she didn’t know how to feel seeing Sienna after spending these last days with Seth.

  What if these past five years had all been an illusion, a lie. What if she walked in and didn’t feel any love, passion or anything for her girlfriend.

  What the hell did she expect, falling into bed with Seth, again. After all the angst of getting her family to accept she was gay, how could she go back and say it was all a mistake.

  Now, how could she describe herself? Gay or straight?

  Perhaps she was just a cheating bitch who lead on a good man before breaking his heart, again.

  Sienna.

  Beautiful, sweet, sexy, Sienna with the softest lips and purest heart.

  The love of her life for the past five years. When she closed her eyes, it was Sienna she wanted to see. Loving her had never been a mistake. The only mistake was in thinking she could live without her.

  Grace put her foot down, flooring her car to get her home soon. She wanted Sienna, and she wanted her now.

  The unit was dark, and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust and see Sienna curled up on the sofa.

  “Babe, oh, I’ve missed you,” Grace started towards Sienna, wanting to wrap her in her arms. She stopped when she saw the bottle on its side and turned on the light.

  Sienna

  What started out as one glass to dull her pain while she waited for Grace to come home ended up with her falling asleep on the lounge with the empty bottle at her side.

  The sudden light startled her, and her first thought seeing Grace was thinking a stranger had broken into her home. How dare she walk in as if nothing happened or changed between them.

  “You started the party without me,” Grace dropped her bags and lay next to Sienna on the lounge, her hands cupping Sienna’s face, her mouth finding hers. A deep, penetrating kiss, as if they were newly found lovers.

  “I missed you so much,” Grace repeated between kisses, Sienna wanting to believe her.

  No! She needed answers first!

  “Babe,” a cry of pain, as her body betrayed her heart, wanting to take this woman back no matter what.

  “All I have wanted all day is this,” Grace cupped her face, trying to capture her eyes. Too soon. She knew Grace too well and if she saw lies or betrayal in her eyes …

  Her hands found the bottom of Grace’s dress and pulled it up, hiding the face and exposing the black lace bra. Her teeth pulled at Grace’s bra until instead of the lace, a pink nipple lay exposed, needing to be nibbled.

  From one nipple to the other, Sienna gave each one equal attention. In return, she felt Grace’s hands pulling down her track suit pants until one hand dived beneath her legs. She spread them slightly, allowing the finger tips to start the dance.

  “Oh, I’ve missed you,” Grace stopped only to rip off her dress, allowing Sienna full access to her body. Sienna cupped the breast, squeezing it until she fit it whole into her mouth, swallowing it while her tongue still played with the hard tip.

  As she moved her outside leg ever so slightly to give Grace better access, they rolled off the lounge in the most indelicate fashion.

  They knocked over the table and a piece of paper floated until landing on Grace’s groin.

  The desire of the last few minutes evaporated.

  All her fears, jealousy and trepidation from a day staring at photos of Grace and Seth together came flooding back.

  Sienna straightened her clothes as she went into the kitchen.

  Coffee. She needed coffee and a clear head. And the courage to have a conversation that could change her life.

  Grace

  Exhaustion clouded her judgement and certainly slowed down her reaction time.

  Opening the door to a darkened room to Sienna passed out or asleep after having drunk what it appeared to be a bottle of wine. Nothing made sense, Sienna – who rarely drank more than one glass – finished a bottle waiting for Grace.

  Yet, Sienna responded to her kisses, her hands wanting Grace as much as Grace needed her.

  Until they fell on the floor and the stupid photo floated in the air, time suspended, until it landed on her.

  “Oh,” a simple word. Her head spinning with realization she wasn’t the only one with a decision or choice. Seth knew about Sienna including how much she loved her.

&nbs
p; Until now, Sienna knew nothing about Seth. Taken before they even kissed, the photo showed every truth of the night. To anyone who saw it, Grace and Seth were more than friends.

  “I’ll make it,” Grace pulled her dress down and straightened it. As soon as she came close to Sienna in the kitchen, Sienna shrugged her away and returned to the lounge. Sitting in the same place they almost made love, hugging her knees and rocking back and forth.

  She carried in two carefully made coffees with the perfect amount of frothed milk hiding the bitter liquid. The sweet sugar settling at the bottom of the cup. The analogy not lost on Grace.

  “You owe me,” Sienna refused to move over and let Grace share the couch. Not even looking up, holding the hot cup with both hands.

  “What do you think I owe you?” she sat on the floor, leaning back against the coffee table, too tired for another argument.

  “The truth. After all these years, I think I deserve honesty.”

  “Fine,” her spoon broke through the froth, disturbing the smooth surface. “What do you want me to be honest about?”

  “Us would be a start. Be honest about how you feel about us.”

  Grace smiled, the easiest of questions first, “I thought my feelings for you were very honest before you stopped me. I’m happy to keep going.” Putting down her cup, she reached for Sienna before being brushed aside.

  “No – don’t do that. Don’t treat me like an idiot. If you can’t be honest about how you feel about us, then I have a different question for you.” Sienna finally looked up, pain stricken across her face. Every part of Grace cried out to her not to say it.

  “How do you feel about Seth?”

  “Seth?” Oh, no. Nothing good could come from going there.

  “I’ve spent the past week talking about Seth and his company to every financing company I could find. I’d much rather talk about how I feel about you.”

  Again, she tried reaching for Sienna, “Can’t we go back to what we were doing before? I’ve waited all week to have that conversation with you.”